A college professor recently told me that every time he shows a movie in class, the kids rip it to shreds.

They declare all sex scenes gratuitous. 

With the surgical coldness of an audit, they scrutinize the characters’ power dynamics (say, a boss hooking up with an employee) and deem them wildly inappropriate.

These little Debbie Downers are offended by absolutely everything.

So, it’s no wonder that the teen movie is dead — Generation Buzzkill has murdered it. 

From the 1960s until just a few years ago, a ton of films were made specifically for the high school and college age cohort — from “Gidget” to “The Breakfast Club” to “American Pie” to “Superbad.” They were so common, they got their own spoof in 2001: “Not Another Teen Movie.” 

The components were summer, sex, hormones, underdogs, drugs, cafeteria stereotypes, cars, fights, comedy and coming of age in various combos. Some wound up classics, some are garbage. But the genre was a frivolous and occasionally naughty escape for all us non-pearl-clutchers.

Those films have abruptly ceased to exist.

This summer, what used to be a staple is almost entirely absent from the release calendar. The closest, “Karate Kid: Legends,” which hit theaters this weekend, is a throwback to a more innocent one of them. But the terrible 2025-set reboot also brings to mind the old Hollywood Production Code, which once policed cinematic morality.   

Next to 1984’s “Karate Kid,” which had edge, the cherubic sequel is a sanitized episode of “Leave It To Beaver.” And, since its selling point is the nostalgic return of Ralph Macchio and Jackie Chan, “Legends” is barely even aimed at young people. It’s for their parents.  

Real teen movies have been banished to the streaming morgue. We arrive, click “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” and tearily say, “Yeah, that’s him.”

What happened? Can a person no longer belligerently don a toga or shout the dirty lyrics of “Scotty Doesn’t Know”? Apparently not.

Now that Gen Z (those aged 13 to 28) have money to spend, their well-known nun-like traits are finally being reflected onscreen.

A chill just went up my spine.

Some of the prudes’ biggest dislikes are sex and booze. “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” would send ‘em into therapy.

A 2023 UCLA study found that 40% of participants ranging from 13 to 24 want less hanky panky and more platonic relationships at the movies. 

And surveys consistently show that Gen Z drinks far less than their elders. 

Sex, drugs and rock & roll? More like hugs, mocktails and Billie Eilish.

Even friendships without benefits in retro teen flicks will be totally unrecognizable to Gen Z, who enjoy cult-like androgynous outfits and giving admonishing lectures. 

Hanging out in parking lots? Backyard keggers while the parents are away? Deader than Latin. These homebodies, on average, stare at their phones for more than seven hours a day. 

Perhaps the greatest death knell — a Gallup poll discovered that 93% of teens enjoy spending time with their parents.

Characters in John Hughes’ movies barely even had parents.

Obviously teen tales are still around in some form. They have mostly made the leap to TV, meeting their audience where they live. They are not, however, “American Graffiti.” The shows tend to either be tearjerker explorations of identity (“Heartstopper,” “Love, Victor”) or frightening peeks into their problems (“Adolescence” and “Euphoria”). 

Lighthearted rebellion and some filthy, un-PC jokes are no longer an acceptable option.

Another survey said Gen Z wants superheroes, violence and sweet friends. “Minecraft,” I guess.

Well, what I want is another offensive, objectionable, no-holds-barred teen movie.

Too bad. Hollywood is singin’ bye, bye “American Pie.”